


14x19 Apology Scene

by Samanstiel



Category: Supernatural
Genre: 14x18, 14x19, DeanCas - Freeform, Destiel - Freeform, Fluff, Jack kline - Freeform, M/M, SPN - Freeform, SPNFamily - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-12
Updated: 2019-04-12
Packaged: 2020-01-12 07:06:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,107
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18441524
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Samanstiel/pseuds/Samanstiel
Summary: This takes place after 14x18 and was written before the airing of 14x19. Dean apologizes to Cas about his behavior when his mother died.I'm not good at proofreading so I apologize for any grammar.





	14x19 Apology Scene

Dean sat alone in the kitchen.

Sam had long gone to bed. What time was it? Dean didn’t know. The room was dimly lit, but he was not tired. Hours had passed. Time is peculiar in grief, it can pass quickly or trickle by slowly. Time had not meaning in heartache. 

Nothing was on his mind, not particularly. He hunched over the table, thumb on his chin and finger on his lip. He leaned on his arm, the other holding a beer that had long gone warm. His eyes were unfixed.

They just burned their mother. Mary Winchester was gone once again, at the hands of a boy he saw as his son. A brew of anguish, guilt, and anxiety filled his thoughts and stomach. 

“What now?” Sam asked him earlier as the trio entered the kitchen. They had been silent for hours, watching the body of their mother turn to embers in the pyre. Castiel’s eyes never left Dean, and Dean knew that he had been looking at him the entire time to make sure he was okay. Truthfully, Dean was far from okay. They were all far from okay. 

“We drink,” Dean said simply, passing out beers. Sam drank until his eyes were heavy. Cas drank and felt nothing, mostly to satisfy Dean. Sam left to sleep, Cas left to think. Dean remained, neither drunk nor tired. 

Castiel appeared in the kitchen doorway. He loomed, and Dean didn’t notice him at first. Several moments passed in silence, Cas unsure of what to say or if he should even bother Dean. Dean noticed the silhouette in the shadow on the wall and casually sipped his warm beer, acting as if he had been doing that the entire time.

“You can sit down, you know,” Dean spoke, his voice low and raspy.

“Sam said it would be best if I gave you space,” Cas replied.

“Space?” Dean questioned.

“To grieve,” Cas elaborated, not moving.

“Maybe he’s right,” Dean said, taking another swig of his beer.

“I will leave then,” Cas said softly, turning his heel.

“Cas, wait,” Dean spoke with a hint of desperation in his voice, abandoning his warm beer to rise to his feet. Cas was turned away, Dean staring at his back while standing next to the table. Cas took a breath and turned slowly, taking a step down from the doorway and into the kitchen.

“Sam’s right about a lot of things,” Dean furthered, “Jack is all of our responsibilities, and you’re right. I am to blame as much as you and Sam. Hell, I am to blame the most. I knew something was up with him but ignored it, because that’s what you do when you care about someone. You look past the bad and only see the good. I didn’t even think anything of it, the thought never occurred to me that Jack was capable of something like this.”

“I’m so sorry, Dean,” Cas said instinctively. He was accustomed to being the one apologizing, “I failed Jack, I failed Kelly, I failed you”--

“No you didn’t, Cas and I should be the one apologizing. When I get upset I say and do things I don’t mean and I never apologize for them. Well, I am now. What I said was impulsive and I didn’t mean a word of it. I’m sorry for what I said and how I reacted, Cas. You are not to blame for this, or at least not all of it. The blame isn’t on anyone entirely.”

“Dean…”Cas began but his words trailed off. His mouth hung open, unsure of what to say. The two stared at each other for a few moments, unsure of what to say.

“I’m sorry, Cas,” Dean said finally, his voice shaking slightly. His words were hard, as if they struggled to come out, not because he didn’t mean it but because he felt guilty and ashamed for what he had said. 

When Cas said nothing, Dean lunged forward and flung his arms around him. He held on tightly, gentle sniffles reaching Cas’s ear. Cas placed two comforting hands on Dean’s back, and they stood there for several moments, Dean shaking as he held back tears.

“Dean…” Cas whispered, his voice a low grovel, “It’s okay, Dean…”

“No it’s not, Cas,” Dean’s voice quivered. He didn’t let go, instead he spoke as he clung to the angel, “Mom’s gone, she’s at peace and she’s with Dad and I should be okay with it, I should and maybe I will, but Jack...Jack did this, and part of me is angry at him and the other part wishes he’d come home so we can figure it all out.”

“We will find him,” Cas reassured as Dean pulled away. He stood across from Cas, tears on his cheeks. Dean saw that there was tears in Cas’s eyes as well. Cas understood, and he would do anything to make it better.

“He doesn’t deserve this,” Dean furthered, “This burden, this blood on his hands. He loved Mom, hell, he spent more time with her than any of us did. But, if he becomes too big of a threat, if he’s too far gone, the thought of losing him too? Hell, I don’t know what to feel, Cas. How should I feel? What should I do?”

“Dean, I know,” Cas said, “I know. He killed someone we cared about, but we care about him, too. It’s confusing, it’s heartbreaking, and it is impossible to understand what we are feeling or even how to feel. We need time to figure it out. Finding Jack will take time, and until then...we figure it out. We come up with a plan and hope for the best, but prepare for the worst.” 

“I know...we always do, Cas, we always do…” Dean sniffled, composing himself. He felt better after confronting Cas, like one burden had been lifted. 

“You should try to rest,” Cas suggested, “Sam is asleep. It’s been a long day. I will try to think of some solutions while you rest.”

“Okay,” Dean agreed with a nod, “Just, Cas, don’t run off anywhere while we are asleep and not tell us, okay?”

“Okay, Dean,” Cas confirmed. Dean sighed and walked passed him but paused. He placed a hand on Cas’s shoulder. 

“Thanks for always being here for me,” Dean mumbled.

“Of course.”

Dean walked away, leaving Cas alone in the kitchen. Sleep came easier to him than he thought - he was exhausted, and Cas kept his promise of not leaving. He remained in the library, reading and brainstorming ideas as the Winchester brothers slept their sorrows away.


End file.
